Dude High On Crack Cocaine Threw Knives At People Outside Hoboken Bar

NJ.com – A Hoboken man threw knives and other kitchen utensils at pedestrians on Saturday and screamed “I’m going to kill you,” as they walked by, according to police reports. Christian Hoffman, 32, allegedly threw the utensils from his third-floor Park Avenue window and threatened to kill his pedestrian targets. A bouncer at the nearby Turtle Club reported the incident to police just after midnight, saying the man was throwing knives, can openers and other utensils at people as they walked by the club, according to police reports reports. No injuries were reported.  Police responded to Hoffman’s apartment twice, but each time it appeared that no one was home. Before the officers left the apartment on their second visit, Officer Marco Grossman noticed through a gap underneath the door a pair of bare feet standing to the left of the door, according to police reports. Sgt. Saverio Binetti and Officer William Bullock went to a neighbor’s fire escape to get into Hoffman’s apartment.  Police found Hoffman, as well as a glass pipe and a grinder used to grind crack cocaine lying on his bed, according to police reports. He was arrested and charged with aggravate assault, terroristic threats, possession of a weapon, unlawful possession of a weapon and possession of drug paraphernalia. 

Not cool. This is not fucking cool. Not because its just fucked up on a basic level to throw knives and can openers at people out of your window, but because you’re doing it in Hoboken. This isn’t Manhattan, man. People come to Hoboken to get away from all that shit. Hoboken, NJ basically does like 5 things: mozzarella cheese, pizza, babies, puppies, and white people drinking. Nowhere in that description is crack cocaine and knife throwing. You wanna do that shit in the 5 boroughs? Go for it. Thats part of the territory. Its something everyone is willing to deal with in exchange for a quick commmute and endless amounts of casual sex with strangers in close proximity. But when you come out to the 6th Borough, when you leave Manhattan for a little place called Hoboken, you’re signing up for a cleaner, nicer, safer, no-knife-throwing life.  Take that shit back across the river or at least head over to the hood over by Jackson Street or the Heights. White folks are trying to pretend they’re Brooklyn Hipsters at the Turtle Club. No drug fueled knife throwing allowed.